In order for my OK Cupid profile to be 75% complete I have to write something in my journal that is suitable for everyone there to see. A little invasive I think. I thought the site was meant to connect people, not one to peer deep inside each person’s mind.
While I think the OK Cupid website has a unique idea to bring to the dating game, and there are lots of users, it has totally failed me. I have never met anyone from there and I honestly have lost faith in internet dating sites. I began using them when they first appeared because I work online. I have seen them go from rejected ideas about dating to commonplace in the whole dating scene.
Before the internet people would largely meet in person, by speaking actual spoken words. Taking that risk of being rejected face to face in the moment – not by email reply. Opening lines in person are so much more revealing about someone than a text-based email, and I think that we’ve all lost touch with our natural ability (and possibly interest) in making a real human connection. It is so easy to send an email to a hot girl/guy and say what you’re thinking because as you type you’re alone. You’re looking at your screen. Your keyboard. In person you have facial expressions, body language, eye contact! You get feedback AS you’re speaking. There are so many more things happening in a real face to face interaction that you just can’t replicate online.
That’s not to mention that when you spark up a conversation in the grocery store (wherever) the fact that you do NOT know their age, sexual orientation, hobbies, musical tastes, personal biography and so-on. When you divulge all that up front what is left to talk about? Where is the process of getting to know someone? It’s gone.
Where does that leave the opening communication? Now, when I send a message to someone online they don’t reply to me – as they would in person – they instead go digging through my wallet to learn more about me.
Lance: “Hi, how are you today?”
Her: “Sorry, I cannot answer that until I know how old you are, what city you live in, your sexual orientation, religion, height, body type, hair/eye colours, whether or not you’re divorced, have kids, a car, income level, have seen several photos of you, what you’re looking for in a relationship and how you summarize yourself – in 500 words or less.”
Her: “Oh – I might not reply, I may just delete your introduction because you don’t meet every single criteria I have for my next human contact.”
Lance: “…”
And that’s just my perspective. If you flip that around to a woman’s perspective you get another story. But, being a guy, I don’t know what that story is. I could piece one together based on the few replies I’ve gotten over the years:
Scenario 1: Woman makes first contact.
This is uncommon.Her: “Hi, I read your profile, you seem interesting.”
Him: Most often it’s vulgar, and has nothing to do with her or anything she wrote on her profile.
Scenario 2: Man makes first contact.
This is the most common scenario, ranging from a few emails a day/week to more than one person could read – depending on the photos the woman posts. Typical rule of thumb is, the more skin the, more emails.Him: Something vulgar and unrelated to what she wrote on her profile.
Correct me if I am wrong. This is not from experience.
How do we resolve this? I have no idea, or I would have done it. What I am left with is a half dozen dating profiles that intend on connecting me with a real life person, that circumvent the natural process of meeting someone in real life.
