For those of us who work in the adult entertainment industry it can be hard to meet people outside of the industry, unless we keep our occupational details to ourselves until the person has gotten to know us better. It’s not often that I run into people who can understand that my job is a job and not much more than that. The media demonizes the adult industry and sexual acts yet at the same time throws sex in our faces 
every chance it gets. It makes me wonder why people aren’t running to adult industry professionals for a fix of some kind after the mainstream media has gotten them all excited.
If you listen to most rap music lyrics you will find that it’s a verbal rendition of porn videos. Rock music doesn’t get away scott-free either, but rap is much more prone to it. I’m a rap fan so I am not some pompous white kid talkin out my ass either. I am not writing about the sexualization of society by the media – I could, but not right now. Just jump onto youtube and type sexy commercials to get started.
Anyways, my point was that sex is so pervasive that it’s paradoxical when people get their panties in a knot after I tell them I make/admin adult websites. Sex is fun, normal, natural and healthy and most people want it. It’s not always easy to get it when you want it and porn fills in those dry spells for a lot of people; it provides them an outlet for their fantasies and desires; and in some cases it keeps people grounded by providing something that they can’t or shouldn’t have. It’s not a bed or roses either. Looking at too much of it can mess with your head. Everything in good measure, as they say.
When I was dating last year I would hide where I worked when creating my online profiles. I would meet people and reveal my occupation slowly. Usually too soon because it was the last message I would send them, or the last time I met them. When I waited long enough I risked crossing the line between secrecy and lies, but if they had a chance to learn enough about my character I could save the day… But not completely as the sting of being lied to burns.
I met someone who could not talk to me once she knew where I worked. I explained that it was only my job and not my life. She didn’t listen so I threw my hands up and said, ok fine – this is a filter and it’s filtering out someone who cannot handle key points about me. A little while later she reasoned herself past it and we’re now friends. She has seen the light – the truth of the matter. I’m just a person with a job.
I met someone else who couldn’t get enough when she found out where I worked. She was so interested in all of it. It fascinated her and we would talk for a long time about various sex-related ideas and topics. Apparently that’s not a conversation a woman can have with a man, while remaining in their clothes, and she really enjoyed that. Perhaps even a little more than I knew at the time. She and I are still friends and she knows the same reality about me as I do about her.
It’s unfortunate that so many other people, the vast majority of people that I meet, are not comfortable with their own sexuality, their own bodies, their own desires that they don’t feel like they can be comfortable around someone who is.
I have met parents that have vanished from the landscape once they hear about my job. That look on their face where they are scared and protective at the same time, mixed with shock and anger. Suddenly the kids can’t play together – no more invitations given or accepted. Thinking like that makes me dread the school learning what I do. I wouldn’t be allowed on school property ever again (I assume)! Yet at the same time I have friends who would entrust me with their kids (at any age) if they needed a sitter or someone to fill in over a vacation.
Based on my previous experience I am not so interested in the secrecy and perfectly time revelations. I just don’t have the patience I used to about this. Accept it as it is, or move on. Making adult websites doesn’t turn me into a pimp or pedophile any more than your job turns you into the worst case scenario. Maybe what upsets me so much is that the immediate misconceptions are so extreme – I have a good record of fighting the good fight in this industry, so I tend to take it personally when being accused of it by some close-minded, uptight, sexually repressed idiot who would do well to spend some time in a Dale Carnegie seminar.
Anyways, I can’t spend all my time trying to convince you who I am. You either recognize me or you miss out.
