LanceCassidy.com Porn will pollute your mind. I know this from sexperience.

Hello, I’m a Pedophile: RESPONSE

I ran into a forum I had not seen before while googling for something - I don't even remember what now. While on the site I saw a thread titled, "Hello, I"m a Pedophile"

I read the first post, thought for a moment, then read the rest. While reading I began to write my reply in TextEdit, and when I got to the end of the post I realized the thread was locked. Naturally.

Well, as I usually do, I post my writings here. Here's the thread, followed by my unposted comment:

http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?p=233873

Dear Mr. Scum

Your first post makes you look like a pedo while your second post makes you look more confused and less pedo.

I think I have some input that carries a lot of weight, so pay attention.
Qualifier: I have been working in the adult website business for many years, starting when my child was an infant, through to now. I am writing this in one browser window while another window is displaying adult websites.

I have seen every form of sexual deviation there is. I have talked to porn users, porn makers and porn stars. I have talked to deviants of all sorts. Working with adult social networks is not something I would recommend to anyone. I used to enjoy porn but now I see it in a totally different light. I also see society and sex from a totally different point of view.

When I first read your post I was torn between wanting to destroy you personally and wanting to see where this journey you are on took you. I opted for the latter, which is good because it lead me to your subsequent post.

You point out that you use illustrated child porn as an alternative to real child porn. I wonder, have you ever actually seen real child porn? I have. It is amazing how much of a reaction real, actual child porn can induce in the viewer. It is my belief that if you have not seen it, you should. Let me explain why I say something so horrible.

After I first ran into real, actual child porn I was totally mind-fucked. The photographic images of children being forcefully used for the selfish pleasure of a bigger, stronger person are so revealing. In those photos you can see their young bodies being just ruined by the molester. You see the physical pain on their faces, but deeper than that you see the look in their eyes, that leads into their hearts - their souls. An adult that they trust, and possibly love, is causing them so much pain and embarrassment and shame - and fear. The adult is mentally more capable than the child. The child is groomed into trusting the adult, into believing what they've been told and into keeping this painful secret from anyone else they love or trust.

Take that another step further into video. Video is the images AND the sound. You hear the pleasure the molester is getting. You hear the pain the victim is experiencing. You see so many images in sequence, and combined with the audio, plus the knowledge that the molester has taken the addition steps to record the event - obviously for distribution - and your mind just goes insane.

As everyone is subconsciously aware already, the victims of child molestation/porn include the entire family, and the damage can not be reversed. The child is permanently mentally disrupted AND their emotional development will forever be skewed. How does a child learn what trust really means when the very concept they've been taught is trusting someone means they violate you, and you allow it, under duress? These kids are groomed - that means the molester works on them over time, gaining their trust, telling them that they love them, telling them all the things the kid wants to hear, and then they abuse that trust to gain personal sexual gratification.

Just reading this description is making people fume with rage.

Someone is going to tell me I should not have posted this, and that I should not have recommended you to look at child porn for fear of perpetuation such a terrible thing. I totally agree. I do not condone behaviour that supports the creation, possession or distribution of child porn. Be aware though, should you view it online, your computer will cache the website and images/videos and that constitutes possession of child porn. I am well-versed in the laws surrounding this.

I would never wish viewing actual child porn on anyone, and I have always said I would never wish it on anyone. But, you are a unique case, and I think viewing it would answer a lot of questions for you.

If you truly are a pedophile - someone who derives sexual arousal from children, then viewing the child porn will turn you on, at least in some degree of measure. If viewing it does not turn you on, then I would conclude you are not a pedophile, and move towards the idea that you are very fucked up from the trauma you described as a child with your molestation.

Looking at illustrated child porn is guilt free for you because it's not really children, not because society accepts it more. Those illustrations already ARE illegal because the laws surrounding this stipulate that you cannot even imply that a sexually engaged person is under 18 - even if the participant is well over 18 in reality. The line is blurry because it's a cartoon and there is no actual participant, however, the implied participant is a minor.

I think you have already nailed the answer down in post #2 that you made. You said that you learned to associate sex with being a minor, and I think that's why these cartoons do it for you. You are re-living in the past, in the time when you first were sexualized.

Going back to my experience in porn for my final point.

If you keep looking at these illustrations you will keep having thoughts surrounding them. You need mental self discipline. You need a mental diet.

Stop looking at those images (cold-turkey) and pay close attention to your thoughts, feelings and desires. Drag it out for as long as possible. Do NOT fill the sexual stimulation gap with regular porn. Don't use lingerie magazines either. Totally cut off all incoming sexual stimulation unless it's coming from an adult, in person. No phone, no SMS, no email. Strictly in person, adult sexual stimulation.

You will find this to be very hard to do. You will have to grow a set of balls and work hard to make it happen. What you will notice though, if you're able to endure, is that this PROCESS will change your thinking. You are effectively resetting your brain. It will not work if you constantly think about what you're not getting though. Depriving yourself of the stimulus, yet brooding over it, will lead to obsession. And that's a fail on the road towards the goal. Get back up, try again. Fail 9 times in a row and #10 will produce a noticeable result.

When you get to the point where you are not constantly thinking about sex, sexualized minors, illustrations of sexualized minors, you can consider that a win. You might forget to come to this realization until you're triggered by something. At this point in time, do not go back to the illustrations. Stick to in-person sexual stimulation.

That's reality. Sometimes fantasy does not serve it's purpose and THIS is a case where you need to abstain from fantasy.

Becoming a man is not easy and that's why there are so few of them.
Take control of your life.

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To those who believe that this is a mental illness, I believe it is not. Gay is not a choice, gay is not an illness. Pedophilia is in the same category. Society is so against it that the medical societies cannot come to realistic definitions and conclusions because of social structures and religious influence.

Anyone can have thoughts of any kind.
Men can think other men are attractive.
Men can think about violence.
Men can think about love.

A real man knows when it is time to act, and when it is time to suppress. Having a thought does not automatically create a Right to pursue it. This is a common topic on the adult sites I work with. These teenagers find their way onto the sites and ask questions as they develop their sexual world views. Questions like,
"I am straight, but it feels good to put things in my ass - should I put things in there?"
"I love how girls in porn gag on cocks but my girlfriend won't do it. How do I make her?"
"My girlfriend doesn't want to have a 3some, but I think they're totally hot. Why won't she?"

Desire is not Entitlement.

Wanting something, liking something, desiring something, does not mean you SHOULD (or can) actually get it. I desire fast cars and lots of money, so am I entitled to it? I no more entitled to those things than men are to deep throat blow jobs.

You are your own thought-police.