LanceCassidy.com Porn will pollute your mind. I know this from sexperience.

Scattered Thoughts on Sex, Porn and Growing Up

The internet seems to have been invented specifically to enable pornography a chance to become a common household item/idea/topic. Imagine where porn would stand today had the internet NOT come along at all. Would it still be limited to books, magazines and videos? Only available in stores willing to carry adult material - you know the ones - big red letters blaring, "ADULT" and "XXX" over top of poorly blacked out windows (usually covered by big sheets of sun-bleached paper), tucked away in the corners of plazas or on the far side of town, carefully placed where almost no one can see you come and go. Actually, that's not entirely accurate anymore - I've seen several directly neighboring children's stores. Perhaps that's a powerful indicator of the state of porn today. Porn is so common, so accepted, and even expected, that a triple x video store can be situated right beside a second-hand children's clothing store and no one notices.

I remember when I was in high school (in the mid-90's) looking at the girls in the school -they were drastically more conservative when compared to the school girls of today's teenage girls, who dress to display their sexual attributes.

Does it even matter? Should it be hidden? Does hiding it imply that it's wrong? Is it even wrong? Maybe these are things that should be looked at. The internet IS here and it HAS brought porn into the home of every computer user, including those who's government restricts their internet access. Ignoring it, pushing it out of mind, sweeping it under the rug only puts human intellectual evolution on pause.

I think it does matter. Hiding the topic of sex is important at certain ages. There is just no way to explain it to certain age groups and have them understand it. As kids reach puberty they will naturally be drawn to it so beginning the teaching there is a little late because their comprehension of new information is at risk of being overrun by their hormones. Everything in life is easier if you know what to expect and that's why so many people fear the unknown. I think that it's ok to answer a child's questions about sex with "I'll give you the short answer to that now, and the full answer when you're closer to puberty." This satisfies their curiosity in the moment and let's them know that there's more coming, and they even have a timeline to look forward to so that they can rest assured they won't be left out.

How often do we tell our kids something a million times and them still not get it? Lots, so what makes people think that ONE sex talk is going to have any impact at all? The idea is antiquated and ineffective. Kids learn from daily life, watching parents, friends, peers and living their own personal experiences. Knowing that is the answer on how to teach sex topics effectively. Just letting sex topics come and go through daily activities creates a comfortable environment for everyone, and let's everyone know that they can actually discuss these things openly. It also lets people be comfortable with their bodies. I was laughed at during diaper changes and I would never have known had my mother not repeated the stories to me, which subsequently made me very self-conscious.

I'm short-changing this writing because I am trying to not get into too much detail with this, due to time constraints. These ideas in my head make perfect sense but I fear that putting them into words is a challenge. There is just so much information to put down, and most of it requires a little back-story to keep things clear.

The idea I am trying to reach is that if there is understanding beforehand then handling things is easier and should lead to better choices and less compromising scenarios. Right now I see the transition taking place. There are people still hiding from sex topics and others parading them around. In both cases these people are fighting to hold onto their belief systems. One wants to be sheltered from it and the other wants everyone else to embrace and accept it. There is no one waving the flag for the people in the middle. The voices of both parties draw reactions from people, and those reactions manifest in new laws, hate crimes, self-exploitation and so-on. The voice of reason needs to be heard on this sensitive topic.

Sex is not wrong in itself, but like anything it can be used the wrong way, and because it is such a strongly desired activity it too often leads to people hurting other people for their own personal gain. Once you're an adult and you choose to have sex you're on your own and there's not really much to say about that because adults are supposed to be able to make these kinds of decisions on their own. When it comes to teenagers making the choice to have sex we automatically assume they cannot make those choices, and for the most part that's the truth. Ignorance is bliss and teens are full of ignorance - not through any fault of their own but simply by way of experience. It's hard to have a lot of quality life experiences by the time you're 15, so how can a 15 year old have accumulated enough tools to make the right choices?

Well, if that teen is not sheltered from sexual topics they will not blow their minds when they finally do learn about them. Kids that grow up on a farm are not phased by rifles in the home or animals in the yard. Kids that grow up in the city are quite lost in a farmyard and a rifle would probably spook them. Kids that grow up knowing what their sexual organs are for are not surprised when it comes time to use them. Kids that grow up understanding that sex and love are separate thing that people usually expect to go together are aware that if they fuck someone that someone might think it was more than a fuck.

Those aren't the best analogies but considering the time I have to write this that's all I've got.

I've been thinking about how to explain to a minor the reason porn exists and then follow it up with you're not allowed to see it. Not easy. Porn is not for minors so I bet there are a lot of people who would consider it wrong to talk about it with them. Guess what - the internet will bring it right to them after their friends tell them about it. Who is better suited to be the first person to tell them about it? Someone who can give perspective or someone who knows the URL to the latest sexual shocker like 2 girls 1 cup? I think porn exists because people can't get what they want in reality, combined with their sexual curiosity. Like slowing down to look at a wreck on the road, we just have to look and see what new sexual feat is being displayed in that magazine, book or video.

The desire to have sex is strong, and when you cannot have it when you want it what do you do? You either wait or your take matters literally into your own hands. Add porn to that for proper stimulation and there you have it. It is now in your mind that porn is good for something because your life has just been enriched by it. Maybe one day you'll work in the porn field, fulfilling your desires. Maybe you'll just buy it. Maybe you'll emulate it for sales purposes. Maybe you'll find some other way to take what you've discovered in porn and bridge it to some other part of your life, like so many people do already. In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

What once was used for personal gratification is now used to sell music, clothes, food, ideas - anything! The old adage: Sex Sells.

Wait - I didn't even mention the fact that when something that is desired is restricted it becomes an obsession. Consider the religions that restrict sex.

How frustrating to live in a society obsessed with sexual themes, consuming porn in secret, facing sexually charged marketing in daily life and then the inability to get laid at night.

Ugh, I've lost interest in writing this.

About Lance Cassidy

I graduated from Computer Graphic Design, moved into Web Design, then teaching and later became a Manager of various people and departments over the years. I worked with the owners of Webnovas Technologies Inc. to invent XTube, the first adult tube site. I learned a lot there by becoming responsible for numerous roles all at the same time. Later I worked for a smaller company on a number of projects that were ultimately terminated, which lead me back into working with tube-style adult sites. Currently that site is xLive.com. We have a really good mobile site to go with it now and it's very popular. I am happy to have been able to create several policies and procedures that worked towards successfully protecting minors from sexual exploitation, while working in the adult industry. I would love to take my knowledge in that area and give presentations to parents and teens to teach them how to stay safe and out of jail.