LanceCassidy.com Porn will pollute your mind. I know this from sexperience.

Response to Betty Dodson’s blog entry, “My Latest Thoughts on Porn”

Let me open my response to Betty Dodson's blog entry, "My Latest Thoughts on Porn" (http://dodsonandross.com/sexfeature/my-latest-thoughts-porn) by saying that I am a man who has been working in the online adult business since 2001. I think I know a little about porn, from a man's perspective.

The women in professional porn are not real in terms of appearance and mentality. Women do not look like that naturally and they certainly do not act like that in reality either. It is important to understand, as Betty said, that porn is fantasy. It is created by men, for men. It is composed of men's ideas and interests, filmed at the sexpense of the actresses willing to do these things for the money tabled.

These ideas that are being thought up, filmed and distributed are pretty stupid in my opinion. I see too much content that is either about shocking people or controlling women. How erotic or enjoyable is fucking a woman's head like it were a toy you purchased at the sex shop? She has tears running all over her face, bile flows out of her mouth and she is asphyxiated on each thrust down her throat while he holds her head by the hair. I know many people get off on that, but really - is that a message/idea worth spreading? As Betty said, the modern girlfriend has a lot of pressure on her plate to meet her boyfriend's sexual interests.

Someone I know convinced his girlfriend to let him pee in her mouth (and swallow some) a few times. She was sickened by it but infatuated by him, so she did it until she simply couldn't stomach it. His interest was so simple, "Can I get her to do it?" and, "I wonder what this is like?" Would you be surprised to know he learned that from porn?

If you've watch as much porn as what I have been exposed to over the years (you'll never catch up so don't endeavor to try) you would notice that it is always about satisfying the man. Don't hate the actors - they're not the man. The man is first the one behind the camera with th ideas and second it's the viewer. The woman IS an object, not the subject. Her role is to be as many orifices as needed and finally the thing used to catch and store his ejaculation. The more she pretends to like it, the more she is willing to do, the better her career will be.

Moving along...

I think Betty is absolutely right in that relationships seldom go bad because of porn, but that does not mean it doesn't happen, thus awarding it a free pass.

There are many men who simply are not socially capable of having a sexual relationship with someone they choose - more likely they simply settle for someone who will accept them. Porn calls out to these men because it delivers their fantasies to them. Realistically, that's fine and acceptable. But, those men are damaged on the inside. They are not satisfied with her so they seek to gain pleasures outside of the relationship. They think they cannot tell her she has to lose some weight, or tell her she needs to learn to do a better blow job, or convince her to let him eat her pussy. So he settles for the easy-out and jerks off to porn, releasing his sexual tension for the short term and punishing the relationship.

My good friends had some seriously troubled waters over his interest in porn. He would look at it regardless of what he was doing and who was there to see it. She would feel compared and inadequate. Thankfully he put it down in favor of his relationship and they're much happier now. Whatever he did to get past that should be shared because it does happen and knowing is more important that simply saying it's too small of a percentage to warrant anything further.

Going back to the sex objects point. I think that porn most certainly does objectify both men and women. To appear in porn you have to be well endowed, bleached and picture perfect. (Obviously excluding the amateur niche.) You won't often see the average penis length in porn just like you won't often see flat chests. The man is known for his cock and the woman is known for whatever sexual feature she has. Simple. Unrealistic. Persistent.

Here's why I think it objectifies. First of all understand that while porn is considered taboo most people have seen it. It is massively popular. It is growing too. As a result we see sexual innuendo all over the mainstream media. This is where Betty and I are at odds. She said that to say porn is to blame then the whole of the media is too. You're damn right it is! Let's take a quick walk through Hollywood: Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian, Christina Aguilera, to name a few. Would you have to look online for more than 10 minutes to find any of them naked or somehow using sex to sell something? No, you wouldn't.

Look at all of your favorite TV shows. How many of the actors are fat? The stars are idealizations of both genders. Why? Because that's what sells it to you, making you watch. You fall for it. Swap out those actors and put in all short fat people and keep the story lines the same and watch what happens.

The point is that the media - in every format - uses sex to sell shit to you and you buy it. That has created a society that revolves around the sexualization of itself, and then we raise our kids in it. You cannot honestly be surprised when your daughter gets her boobs and goes to get a slutty shirt to go with them. "Here boys! Notice me and my boobs now! I am a more valuable person now!"

Those boys she is attracting are very likely to have seen porn even at their age, which was justified by the sexualized culture we live in, coupled with the ease of access the internet provides, and they want to do what they have seen. Kids are all just dying to grow up. Girls are just dying for attention. Boys... well having been a teenage boy, all I wanted to was sex, so...

Porn = (the sum of) sex on TV + sex in music videos (rap is basically verbal porn) + sex in movies + horny boys + girls wanting attention = One fucked up culture.

It starts out as porn, infects the minds of so many and spreads into everyday life, right down to kids and leads to where we are now.

If your partner knows you like porn and they are at least comfortable with you viewing it, then I would say that's the bare minimum. The ideal situations is where you both view it together, because relationships are about togetherness. If you're looking at porn without your partner I would say it's because you have something to hide or you really are alone. Argue with me on the surface, but know inside the truth.